I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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