The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
