It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
