Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
