Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
