Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
