Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
