I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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