Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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