Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
