What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
