thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
