Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
