if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
