shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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