I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
