i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize