It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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