He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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