Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Rumble strips road head = magical
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
