i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
