She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
