I got chris browned last night
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
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