its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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