If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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