i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm passing your future prison.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
