Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
