Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
