last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
