first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
