She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
