i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
