I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
