this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
