You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
a search helicopter?!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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