Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
