My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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