he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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