I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
