I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
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Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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