i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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