She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
