It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
