god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
