New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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