Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
