The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
