My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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