these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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