My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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