Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
