I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
