My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
