So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
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He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.