Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
