i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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