Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
