Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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