We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
