I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
