Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Im part way to drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
