He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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