did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's blow job season.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
