tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
