my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
