It's Friday. Sex?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
