im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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