I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
