i don't like sucking hair
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you win again, gameday.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
