he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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