i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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